I wonder..

Does almost always looking for the good in people hurt you in the end? About an hour ago I realized I give people more chances they deserve. Not because I'm weak, [ because I think if I was, I'd let it go. I wouldn't give my self another chance to get hurt ] but because I feel like they will change. I will admit, I am bit naive. I can't seem to find it in myself to give up on someone. I don't know why.

It takes a lot for me to give up on someone. And I don't know if thats good or bad. From the experience I've had, once I have given up, thats when it sinks in what kind of person I was and how lucky they were to have me in their life. Because once I'm gone, they come running, and even begging back. Why now? You had your chance.

Yes, I changed your life, and I stayed when most people left, but I can only take so much. I did everything I could but it wasn't enough at the time. Why is it most people have to lose something to realize what they had? I know what I have when I have it. Why can't they?

I also thought about guys. Why is it the girls who give nothing get everything.. and the ones who give their whole heart and try so hard get nothing in return? Why is it guys try harder to get you then to keep you around? You tried so hard in the beginning.. why not keep it going?

I feel like I date the same guys over and over again. I can honestly say the guys in my life didn't deserve a second of my time, but they got years. Same goes for my friends. I see and listen to their problems, and its the same thing.

I must say, I am thankful for everything I've been through. As weird as that is. It has made me a stronger person and I've learned a lot of lessons along the way.

It makes you wonder.. Are all guys the same? Do you have to be a cold hearted bitch to get anything in return? It seems like they care more when you don't. Why is that? Why not appreciate what you have?

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. People need to start realizing that before its too late.

Starstruck.

Today my parents suprised my sister with dare I say it, Jonas Brother tickets. She basically goes in shock. "AHHHHH OMGOMGOMGOMG REALLY? OMG SERIOUSLY AHHH WHAT I CANT BELIEVE IT!! IM GOING TO GIVE NICK MY NUMBER!!" Then she calls pretty much everyone in her phone. Honestly, I wouldnt be suprised if she called random people to tell them. Ahaha.

So, she starting googling everything. Now she wants to bring starburst or something along those lines, to Nick, because its his favorite candy.

I just dont understand going crazy over someone because they are 'famous'. I mean, dont get me wrong, its pretty cool. But come on..Do you seriously have to get all obsessed over them?

Example: Jonny Depp. Oh my God. I would love to meet him, and maybe date him ;] But still, I wouldnt get all obsessed about it. I'd be happy, but I wouldnt go tattoo his signature on my boob. [ I actually saw someone do that. I was amazed. ]

I dont know. Thats just me.

Growing up.

Today I was thinking about growing up. I was thinking about the good, and bad times. The boys I've cried over, the ones I should have given a chance, and the one I have now..

I thought about how I thought I was going die over the smallest problems, and now that I look back, I see how stupid it was. I thought about regrets..things I did, and didn't do. Things I should have done, people I should have listened to. As I was thinking about it, I wondered what if I listened to them, what if I did things differently. Would I be the person I am today? Would I have been better, worse?

I thought about the future.. A few years from now, will I laugh about the problems I have at this moment, just as I am doing right now? Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward through all the bad times, slow down and pause the good..

Eventually I'm going to die, we all are. When we look back, will we be happy about the decisions we have made and the way we've lived our lives? In fact, did we even live at all? I'm still young. Only twenty. But still, I haven't lived life to the fullest. I have held back on a lot of things. I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to do things without giving it a second thought. What if its my only chance? When I look back on my high school years, theres so much I should have done. Its in the past now. I'll never be able to go back..You only go through high school once. Live it up.

Next chapter in my life is college. I think I took enough time off. Now its time to start. I'm going to do what I want, when I want. Have fun, and make memories. I don't want to look back on my life and realize I didn't really live at all. I wont sweat the small stuff anymore either. And as for the boys.. They come and go. I don't think I'm going to really hold on to anything too tightly anymore. Whatever happens, happens. I haven't been single in about four years. One month break in between the two. If this relationship falls through, then so be it. Everything happens for a reason. I'll be single. I don't go looking for relationships. This one just came to me. But, I'll see.

As for now, my outlook on life is to live it up. I'm getting older everyday. I want to do everything I can, keep the good memories and forget the bad.

I'm going to start living life. No ones stopping me anymore.

I think I'm turning Japanese

This morning I was presented with Instant Immersion Japanese [ New & Improved! ] My dad gave it to me, and I don't really know why. Maybe five years ago when were still actually living in Japan, it would have helped a little. So, I thought about it, and maybe I will attempt to learn..who knows I might actually catch on. Although, I actually doubt that will happen..

Example: I took Spanish from the 6th grade up to my sophomore year in high school. That's 5 long years of Spanish. AND I can barely count to 10! I only know maybe 3 colors, and I think I can say shoes and bathroom. I guess the point to this is, I'm obviously NOT very good when it comes to learning other languages.

Maybe I'll buy Rosetta Stone. It seems to be "sooo successful".

Hello Kitty

So today I came across "Hello Kitty Hell" a blog about a guys life with hello kitty. Apparently his wife is just like me - LOVES hello kitty. And he hates it. Two things came to mind when I started going through this.

1. I'm going to find so many cute things I'm going to want to buy.

2. I really hope my boyfriend doesn't make a blog or anything

like that in the future.

ANYWAYS //

LADY GAGA..I think her hair is definitely inspired by Hello Kitty. I love it. I have the long hair, had the bangs..I think tomorrow I'll cut my bangs again and get the bow done while I'm there. Its a cute look. But, I'm sure my boyfriend will hate it.

It looks like every year Hello Kitty just keeps getting more popular. Not a bad thing in my opinion. If they ever made a Hello Kitty car [ here in the states, I'm pretty sure it exist in Japan ] like, a Scion xB or Nissan Cube, I'd totally buy it. I think Sanrio needs to team up with Louis Vuitton next. <3

Start.

I'm starting college in about a month, and I'm not even sure if what I'm taking should be my first degree. I'm scared in a way, because in reality, I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. Well, actually, I do know. I know I want to do too many things, have too many dreams, and too many goals. The scary thing is, I don't know if I will have enough opportunities to pursue them or enough time. Well, anyways..


I've been trying to sharpen my photography skills a little before I start school. [ majoring in photography ] I have alot to work on. But, then again, that's why going to college. TO LEARN.

I actually took this a few months ago, its probably one of my favorites though. Just the lighting that night was perfect. I actually stuck my head, and camera out the window while we were driving down a hill. [of course, I wasn't the one driving] I believe it came out pretty good. I'm the type of person who will do weird things to get a great shot, like standing on a roof, chair, sitting on the floor..etc. I also take about 100 pictures and only keep 5 or 6. But, its worth it. And I love it.