Growing up.

Today I was thinking about growing up. I was thinking about the good, and bad times. The boys I've cried over, the ones I should have given a chance, and the one I have now..

I thought about how I thought I was going die over the smallest problems, and now that I look back, I see how stupid it was. I thought about regrets..things I did, and didn't do. Things I should have done, people I should have listened to. As I was thinking about it, I wondered what if I listened to them, what if I did things differently. Would I be the person I am today? Would I have been better, worse?

I thought about the future.. A few years from now, will I laugh about the problems I have at this moment, just as I am doing right now? Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward through all the bad times, slow down and pause the good..

Eventually I'm going to die, we all are. When we look back, will we be happy about the decisions we have made and the way we've lived our lives? In fact, did we even live at all? I'm still young. Only twenty. But still, I haven't lived life to the fullest. I have held back on a lot of things. I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to do things without giving it a second thought. What if its my only chance? When I look back on my high school years, theres so much I should have done. Its in the past now. I'll never be able to go back..You only go through high school once. Live it up.

Next chapter in my life is college. I think I took enough time off. Now its time to start. I'm going to do what I want, when I want. Have fun, and make memories. I don't want to look back on my life and realize I didn't really live at all. I wont sweat the small stuff anymore either. And as for the boys.. They come and go. I don't think I'm going to really hold on to anything too tightly anymore. Whatever happens, happens. I haven't been single in about four years. One month break in between the two. If this relationship falls through, then so be it. Everything happens for a reason. I'll be single. I don't go looking for relationships. This one just came to me. But, I'll see.

As for now, my outlook on life is to live it up. I'm getting older everyday. I want to do everything I can, keep the good memories and forget the bad.

I'm going to start living life. No ones stopping me anymore.